Bizarre quotes from fan fiction & original fiction

And Sasuke didn't care that he was loosening his hairspray, because if it meant being caught in this moment for eternity, Sasuke would gladly throw out every can of hairspray he owned.
(source)

Surprisingly enough, Shikamaru lost that fight since he ran out of chakra and wasn't able to go with his plan to bash Kin's head against the wall. (Differential from canon)
Clearly Shikamaru lost because he had meant to integrate canon instead. An easy mistake to make under pressure.
(source)

Tracey however was depressed beyond all reason, his face longer than a Girafarig's neck.
(source)

But he had no time to finish, for Sasuke just shot the two in front of him a look of crazy excitement. Not the Christmas Day kind of excited, but the getting Call of Duty 2 kind of excited.
But what happens if you get Call of Duty 2 for Christmas?
(source)

Darn it. Zero. Boobs. Touching. Not. Nagisa. Zero. Zero. Nagisa. Boobs. Bouncy. Boobs. Jiggle. Bitch. Zero. Zero. Zero. Bitch. Zero. Zero. NOT NAGISA.
Amazingly, this does NOT come from some "experimental" fanfic's rendition of End of Evangelion: Kaworu/Shinji Edition.
(source)